I have decided to create monthly goals for myself. I have tried setting monthly goals for myself in the past but never took them seriously. Part of the reason I never took them seriously was because they were worded in such a way that pointed out all my flaws to myself. Or were goals that were for the utmost perfection or nothing else (yes I am a huge sufferer of perfectionism). So I am setting my perfectionism aside, and delving into goals not because there are 101 things inadequate about me, but because there are some very real parts of me and my life I would like to work on! Self Compassion is the key!
Funny you mention self compassion! because my goal for the month of February was self compassion. What does self compassion mean to me? I feel like I have thrown around this word a lot in my life without really knowing what it means. So I took a pause while I was writing this post to share with you what self compassion means to me. To me self compassion means being mindful and being real with yourself. Decisions that are made with self compassion are a whole lot more effective and authentic than decisions driven my anxiety, fear and all that nasty stuff. Self compassion to me, means being mindful of the world around me, and where I am in the world on that particular day or moment. Most importantly self compassion thrives when I can let go of my perfectionism. My constant inner and outer battle for everything to be controlled and perfect always leaves me feeling defeated, exhausted and full of doubt and sadness.
So how did I work on self compassion this past month? Well I practiced being real and honest with myself. I worked hard at separating the often irrational fear and doubt from what was truly there. Self compassion meant challenging myself. Now compassion and challenging seem to not go together. But compassion doesn’t mean not doing things I don’t want to do, it means asking myself why am I hesitant to go to the movies tonight? Am I tried? I’m I afraid of changing plans with my friend out of fear that they will hate me forever? Self compassion is answering these questions with a quality state of mindfulness, kindness to yourself but also kindness to the people around you. So last night when I did ask my friend if we could reschedule I asked her how she was doing after. I asked her how her week had been? And if she was free another day? The anxiety that she was mad and hurt by me lingered for a little but after, I felt bad for changing plans. But deep down I made the right choice, not just for my own well being and self compassion but whole hearted compassion, compassion for the self and everyone!! It can be challenging to find a balance between meeting your needs and others needs, it may be one of the hardest parts of being human (I’ll let y’all know when I come up with some more helpful insight haha).
Check in soon for my March goal!
Spring is almost here